i’m actually writing this on tuesday the 9th because i forgot. yesterday i went to therapy and talked about the things that are coming together to make my mental health bad, and it offered me a lot of comfort in getting better. lots of ideas for treatment & going in depth with my trauma. i’m honestly really scared about that cause every time i open up about it i have nightmares & am more prone to get nervous/scared/paranoid or whatever. but hey all in the name of mindfulness.
i have actually been, overall, really good. i was sad about a fight w virgil and had a minor panic attack that was honestly caused by weed. i think if i wasn’t high it wouldn’t have happened. but virgil somehow calmed me down in 20 seconds before it escalated and put me to sleep. i really love him so so much and i’m so happy i have someone with his kind of patience. & i can see in his face how much he loves me. it’s so wonderful, to be here w him. after our fight i think we had a breakthrough moment in our relationship and understanding of one another even though the fight sucked. he’s really been spoiling me since he has been back from mexico <3 and i can’t wait to spoil him back once i start work :,) my dad is probably going to meet him tomorrow so we will see how that goes and obviously i don’t even need to say it .. i am Nervous™️ and have no idea how this is gonna go. but i mean ahhhh it’s twin neemmmm. good muthafucken vibes onlayyy. supa good vibes onlay.
i want to start exercising soon. i think tomorrow is finally gonna be the day that i get back into my classes and be on my work more. i’m already fixing y sleep schedule and actually getting out of bed early then going to sleep at a reasonable time. meditation has to start by thursday. i think if i check all these boxes i won’t have to eat healthy lmfaoo. we will see. i’ve been communicating more with my parents and with my family so that’s good i suppose. isolation/only being friends w my bf probably isn’t the best for my menta health but we are working on it. i’m natural, so i spend a good amount of time on myself regularly. i have been having the energy (lately) to make myself pretty (: this would be the third (?) day in a row. love that for me.
i start work on friday, and have a full 9-5 on friday and saturday. which is cool, because that’s a lot of money, but being away from virgil + working all day is something i’m going to have to get used to. i do not have money to buy the pants needed for work so hopefully my khakis are acceptable. idk what shirt i’ll be wearing but no midriff right? lmfao ugh. ass. also nervous to start work but i hate capitalism and corporate america anyways so who cares.
i think that’s all for my mental health/feelings/whatever update. i’ll come up w a better name for it soon. till next monday.
